


Love and Rage

by harpy_divinus_apparatus (orphan_account)



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Gun Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Recovery, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:46:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21526948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/harpy_divinus_apparatus
Summary: It was either Tim or Alex that was going to leave here alive. If one of them did live, they probably weren't going to live for long. Alex already planned on killing himself to stop the ”disease” and Tim knew that him having no one left would get him in the end too.  Alex blamed Tim for this the most, and Tim didn't know if he could blame anyone anymore. Tim wanted to convince Alex that they could get through this together, but he would not listen to his pleas. Alex was caught up in his own ego and self-righteousness, it was like a brick wall to Tim’s words.
Relationships: Alex Kralie/Brian Thomas, Alex Kralie/Timothy "Tim" Wright, Jay Merrick/Timothy "Tim" Wright
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	1. Bullet in the Brain

**Author's Note:**

> TW for  
> -suicide/suicidal thoughts and ideation  
> -gun violence  
> -knife violence  
> -blood (no gore)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I was being serious, you assholes, it sounded like someone yelling.” he argued, trying to make out any other noises upstairs. All of the other kids went silent to listen with him, interested in whatever this dude had heard. A loud noise echoed throughout the entire building, silencing all of the kids in the group as they stared at each other in shock. The building went completely quiet, occasionally interrupted by the sound of falling rain and thunder. 
> 
> “Did-did you guys hear that too?” One of them said quietly, breaking the seemingly never ending silence. They looked around at the other college aged kids for a response, thinking the worst. 
> 
> “Uhh, yeah..it kinda sounded like, um, a gunshot?”

It was overwhelmingly humid and the dull clouds overhead were condensing and growing darker by the second.Thunder could be made out rumbling in the distance, all of these signs pointing to an incoming storm. The dilapidated building sat unassumingly nestled in between the busy college street known as,”Benedict Hall.” The abandoned building had been empty for years, only being used as storage by the school and the place that students came to fuck around and smoke in. The muted colors of the peeling paint of the walls and the random stacks of desks and chairs gave the place an eerie vibe. An uncanny silence was drafted through the halls, occasionally the scuttling noises of small rodents living in the walls could be heard. Dust coated nearly every flat surface and it made it difficult to breathe. The air felt as if it were full of static, the kind that made the hair on your arms and neck stand on end. 

The unnerving silence was interrupted by heavy footsteps trailing down the halls, which was followed by an animalistic shriek. Two men were struggling against each other in a hallway in the lower floors of the deserted building. The taller one was looking around cautiously with a pistol in his hand, trying to pinpoint where the other man had gone. The shorter and stouter man, Tim, had snuck behind the taller man, Alex, and had knocked him into another room and onto the ground

Tim didn’t feel in control of anything anymore, every plea he shouted at Alex was ignored. Alex was surrounded by a wall of his own goddamn ego and the belief that what he was doing was right and the only solution. What Alex had done could never be undone, and Tim knew this, but getting Alex on his side was better than being alone. He knew that this wasn’t Alex’s fault either, The Operator manipulated him into believing that it’s presence was some sort of incurable plague and the only way to terminate it was to eliminate those who were infected. Tim knew that Alex would not hesitate to eradicate him so he didn’t have a choice. It was either Alex or Tim that would come out of this alive, and he did not want to give Alex the satisfaction of stopping this so called disease. It’s not like Alex would live much longer after killing him, he knew that Alex planned on killing himself after everyone else was dead, so it didn’t matter. 

Tim didn’t know what to do, he didn’t want to kill Alex, but his brain was two conflicting personalities and he couldn’t make himself act on either. His brain was running at hundreds of miles per hour and was getting pumped with adrenaline so he couldn’t exactly think straight. Nothing felt real, in a way, he felt like he was floating away and watching what he was doing from a distance. 

_“It’s not Alex’s fault that this happened.”_

~~“He took away everyone you loved and destroyed any of the normality you had.”~~

_“He loved all of his friends dearly and only did this because he thought it would save everyone.”_

~~“He treated you like shit even before the Operator bullshit happened, you were the punching bag to him and he always took out his frustrations with others and himself on **YOU.”**  
~~

_“Yes, he was strict, but he was still there for everyone and would apologize whenever he would be too harsh.”_

~~**“HE ONLY GOT CLOSE TO YOU TO GET CLOSE TO BRIAN, AFTER ALL, HE WAS OBSESSED WITH HIM, WASN’T IT OBVIOUS?”**  
~~

_“He’s the only alive person from the Marble Hornets crew that you have left, you don’t want to be alone. Don’t you?”_

~~**“EVEN IF HE DID LIVE, YOU WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO FORGIVE OR TRUST HIM AGAIN.”**  
~~

_“That person right there isn’t even Alex, it’s a shell of someone that you can bring back if you HELP him, even if you have to do it by force.”_

~~**”YOU SAW HOW HE DIDN’T EVEN HESITATE TO MURDER JAY IN COLD BLOOD AND HOW HE YANKED BRIAN’S BODY BY HIS HAIR JUST TO TAUNT YOU.”**  
~~

_“Fighting isn’t solving anything, you can get through to him somehow.”_

~~**”HE HATES YOU, HE THINKS THAT YOU’RE THE REASON THAT THIS ALL HAPPENED AND THAT YOU’RE THE SOURCE.”**  
~~

~~**KILL HIM.”**  
~~

_“HELP HIM.”_

~~“ **KILL HIM.”**  
~~

_“HELP HIM.”_

It felt like minutes had gone by when he had paused to think about his next action, but it probably hadn’t been longer than ten seconds. Alex was beginning to struggle beneath him, trying to grasp for his pistol, which had been tossed to a corner of the room when Tim had slammed into him. Impulsively, Tim dug the knife that he held tightly in his right fist into Alex’s upper back, it landed between his right shoulder blade and his collarbone, missing his spine and neck by a couple of inches. It wasn’t a lethal blow by any means, but it probably still hurt like hell. 

With his other hand, he slammed Alex’s head onto the floor, a sickening cracking noise came from this action, signifying that Alex’s nose had most likely broken. Alex screamed, it grated Tim’s ears and it made him want to rip his hair out. 

The scream caused him to loosen his grip and Alex used this to his advantage to slam his fist into Tim’s ankle. The leg that Alex had struck was the one that Tim was using for leverage and was bent on the floor and the other was in the middle of Alex’s back. The blow caused Tim to lose balance and he fell on top of Alex.

Alex scrambled up from under Tim and he reached behind his head to yank out the knife that was lodged in his shoulder. Alex threw the bloodied knife onto the floor and made a dash to where his gun was. Tim sat up from the floor and grasped for his knife, but it was too late. Tim was staring into the barrel of Alex’s gun. Alex’s other hand was pressed against where Tim had stabbed him on his shoulder, occasionally lifting that hand to wipe blood from his broken nose. Alex stared into Tim’s eyes with a blank expression on his face. Tim slumped back towards the ground on his knees, knowing what was about to happen. 

Tim squeezed his eyes shut as he prepared for the bullet to be fired into his skull. Alex has gotten him onto his knees, pointing the gun point blank at Tim’s forehead. This was it, years of running away from eldritch abominations and old friends with guns, it was all over. In a way, Tim was content with this, after all, he’d lost everything that was worth living for, due to Alex and The Operator. Jay, Brian, Sarah, Seth, his house, his memories, his sanity and even Alex, at least the one he used to know. The only thing he had left was Jessica, but Tim did not want to interfere with her life anymore. His fate was sealed by the time he’d joined in on helping Alex on Marble Hornets with Brian. 

It had felt like an entire minute had gone by while he was waiting for the shot to ring out. In reality, it was an infinitesimal pause of Alex staring down at the gun, his facial expression twisting into a look of confusion which turned into utter despair. Tim opened his eyes to glance up at Alex, puzzled on why he hadn’t ended Tim’s life already. Alex lowered the gun and placed it into his back pocket, his arm shaking. Alex’s dark eyes widened as he stared down at the battered man that sat in front of him. Alex started down at his hands, still not uttering a word, his face turning a ghostly white. 

He felt like a switch in his brain had been flipped. All of his limbs felt like they were asleep and his shoulder and nose hurt like hell. His head was hurting right behind his eyes, and he couldn’t get his eyes to focus on anything so everything was blurry. Oh right, he didn’t have his glasses. He wiped the blood from his nose and looked down at Tim, whose eyes were squeezed shut and his entire body was shaking. The humid weather was making Alex’s clothes stick uncomfortably to his skin, combined with the fact he was also sweating profusely and covered in his own blood. 

He looked down at the gun in his hand. He was supposed to get rid of Tim Wright and then himself, right? Right? No more people were going to be hurt from the Operator anymore, in fact, Alex could feel it’s presence right this second. All he had to do was to pull the trigger. 

~~”What have you done?”~~

Any minute now…

~~“You are a monster, a selfish coward who was too full of himself to realize that you were wrong.”~~

Just gotta...pull the trigger...

~~“You killed everyone for no reason.”~~

…

~~“Tim has been dealing with this for years and you succumbed to the Operator within a couple of months. You are weak and everyone will be happy that you’re dead, even Amy won’t miss you.”~~

………

~~“Tim wasn’t the source, **YOU WERE. YOU WERE THE ONE THAT STARTED THE CYCLE OF KILLING EVERYONE THAT SEEMED TO BE ‘INFECTED’ BY THE OPERATOR.**  
The Operator isn’t a disease, it’s a being that works on its own will and it manipulated you into doing it’s dirty work.”~~

Alex choked on his words as he attempted to speak, but nothing came out. He lower the gun, placing it into his back pocket. He stared down at his hands, both of them were covered in his own sweat and blood. The intruding thoughts in the back of his mind telling him that what he was doing was wrong we’re starting to get to him. He didn’t want to admit or believe it, but he was wrong. 

Alex Kralie was so fucking wrong. 

Tim had now opened his eyes and was staring up in contempt and confusion. Alex realized how _tired_ Tim looked, there were dark bags under his eyes and he clearly hadn’t shaved in weeks. His state had clearly worsened ever since Alex had shot Jay, and it was completely understandable why. 

Alex’s panic and guilt were skyrocketing, and he was starting to shake and hyperventilate. 

_“Tim, I-I, w-what have I done?”_ Alex choked out, his throat felt like it was swelling. He wanted to scream, tear out his hair, set himself on fire, blow his brains out- **ANYTHING TO MAKE THIS STOP.**

Tim was staring up at him, the gears in his head were turning and he looked like he was trying to think of something to say. 

He didn’t have anyone left, Tim hated his guts and would never forgive him for what he had done, he had killed most of his other friends and he hadn’t talked to his family in over five years. No one. No one would ever miss or remember Alex Kralie. He was a dead man walking, and Alex knew that he was the one that would seal his own fate. 

“Alex, _please_ listen to me-“ Tim started.

 _“No, Tim, you listen to me.”_ Alex retorted, interrupting Tim in a terrifyingly quiet and stern voice. Alex narrowed his eyes and took a shaky breath, wishing that Tim had stabbed him in the neck and not the shoulder. He wrapped his hand around the handle of the pistol, tightly gripping it would disappear if he let go of it. 

“Alex, please _put down the gun.”_ Tim pleaded, his voice was shaky and he had stood up. Alex didn’t listen to him, Tim wasn’t his concern anymore. In fact, he was doing Tim a favor, avenging Jay, Brian, and the others. Tim should be grateful that he was doing this, at least Tim didn’t have to worry about being shot anymore. 

“S-shut the fuck up.” Alex stuttered as he raised the gun to his side. He was revolting, he wasn’t even human anymore, just a tool that was used to murder the only people he had. He could feel The Operator’s presence growing stronger, and it didn’t seem very happy. It didn’t matter how that faceless fuck felt anymore, fuck that. 

Alex pressed the barrel of his gun to his temple, digging the cold metal into his flesh as he stared down Tim. This was his fate and he had sealed it. 

  


Tim acted on the first thought that crossed his mind, so he threw the knife at Alex’s hand, hoping this would change the trajectory of the bullet. It wasn’t going to work, it was an impulsive decision and Alex was a dead man. 

_Except it did work._

Alex was a second away from pulling the trigger when the knife collided with his hand. The angle where Alex had shot had been thrown away from his head and was now pointed at the ceiling, the bullet missing his skull by a centimeter and grazing past his cheek and forehead.

Tim didn’t think he’d ever sprinted that fast in his life as he tackled Alex to the ground. He wrestled the gun from him and threw it out the broken window, Alex yelped as the gun was taken from him, he was in shock from the gunshot and his eyes were wide like he’d seen a ghost. For the first time in forever, Tim felt genuine sympathy for Alex and he wanted to help him. Alex curled up into himself, cradling his face into his bloodied hands as he began to sob. 

“Alex..I can help you.” Tim murmured, trying not to upset Alex any further. 

“B-but why? Why haven’t you killed me already? I’m pathetic and I fucking killed all of our friends.” Alex whimpered into his hands, his breath hitching as the words left his lips. 

Tim didn’t respond to his question as he tried to get Alex to sit up, he flinched as Tim pulled him up. Alex went silent when Tim took off his flannel and used the sleeve to wipe off Alex’s grazed cheek, causing Alex to flinch again. Tim then proceeded to tie the flannel around Alex’s underarm and shoulder to stop the bleeding on his stab wound. Alex groaned in pain and gritted his teeth, digging his fingernails into his arms.

“C’mon, let's get out of here.” Tim declared, attempting to pull Alex to his feet. Alex leaned his weight into Tim, wrapping his arm around Tim’s shoulders. Alex was exhausted and he barely had enough energy to walk. 

It was no longer silent outside, it had begun to rain and the rattling of the rain hitting the roof made it clear that it was going to be a heavy storm. Tim saw lightning flash in the sky, he wanted to hurry so they wouldn’t get caught up in the storm. He needed to take Alex to the hospital, for his mental and physical health, considering he did just try to commit suicide and was still mentally unstable. 

_“It’s going to be alright, everything is going to be fine.”_ Tim said to himself, Alex seemed barely conscious and only responded with a noncommittal noise. Tim expected something to happen here today, and this definitely was not what he was expecting. 

“Did you hear that?” A young man piped up amongst the small group of stoned college kids. All of them went silent from their incoherent banter to listen intently. They came to the abandoned building near their school to smoke and fool around without getting heckled by the police and college staff. 

“Dude, you’re fucking stoned, you probably are just hearing things.” His friend reassured him as he punched him in the shoulder. All of his other friends laughed as he frowned at them. 

“I was being serious, you assholes, it sounded like someone yelling.” he argued, trying to make out any other noises upstairs. All of the other kids went silent to listen with him, interested in whatever this dude had heard. A loud noise echoed throughout the entire building, silencing all of the kids in group as they stared at each other in shock. The building went completely quiet, occasionally interrupted by the sound of falling rain and thunder. 

_“Did-did you guys hear that too?”_ One of them said quietly, breaking the seemingly never ending silence. They looked around at the other college aged kids for a response, thinking the worst. 

“Uhh, yeah..it kinda sounded like, um, a _gunshot?”_


	2. It gets worse every minute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s better than being alone, isn’t it? I know you’ve been alone for a long time, Alex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWs for mentions of self harm scars

It was pouring, the rain and thunder was muffling every other sound in the building. It was now past afternoon and it was now slowly getting darker outside. Getting Alex out of here was going to be no easy task, the fact that he was barely conscious and nearly falling over at every step was not helping. Another problem was that Alex had fired the gun, if there had been anyone else in the building, they most likely heard it. 

Each step down the stairs seemed to increase the anxiety and nausea that was boiling in Tim’s stomach. He heard voices and he couldn’t tell if it was his exhausted brain making them up or if they were real. This encourages him to go faster, he did not have the patience to talk to anyone right now and he just wanted to leave this place. Alex was having a hard time keeping up, his legs were shaking and he stumbled every couple of steps. 

“Hey uh, maybe we should stop and rest for a bit?” Tim suggested, half dragging Alex into a hallway at the bottom of the staircase into another room. Alex mumbled something that Tim couldn’t hear in response. It looked like some kind of storage room, it was full of random filing cabinets and shelves. Alex nearly collapsed in the corner of the room, lying curled up on the floor with his head cradled in his arm. 

Tim sat down on the other side of the room, closing his eyes to rest for a minute. Tim didn’t exactly trust Alex so going to sleep would be a bad idea, and Tim did not want Alex to try and murder him in his sleep. He opened his eyes and looked over to Alex, who appeared to be asleep and almost looked peaceful. Tim knew that they needed to get moving again soon, they could sleep later, but getting to a hospital was a lot more important right now. 

The rain was rhythmic, a solemn reminder of things that Tim didn’t want to think about. It made him think about him being a kid in the rain, running from monsters in the woods. It made him think of Jay, who told him how much he loved the rain and how it helped him get through the night. It made him think-

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud crack of thunder, he jumped out of his haze and sat up. The floor was freezing and it felt like the cold was seeping into his bones. He shakily got up to his feet and wiped his face, there were tears welling up in his eyes and he gritted his teeth. 

“C'mon Alex, we need to leave.” Tim urged, nudging Alex’s shoulder. Alex groaned in reluctance, but he eventually stood up and they continued on. Tim was on edge and wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. It reminded him of Jay and he couldn’t stand it. He knew they were almost to the main exit and he was beginning to quicken his pace. They were sprinting by the time they reached the entrance, Alex was having trouble breathing and could barely keep his pace with Tim’s. 

There were people outside when they finally dashed out of the building, Tim avoided eye contact with any of them as he pulled Alex in the direction of his car. Tim felt them staring and Alex nearly collapsing again when they reached his car was not helping. It was still pouring rain so they were soaked by the time Tim was rummaging around in his pockets for his car keys. Tim unlocked the car and they got in, Alex was silent as he climbed inside. 

Tim looked at Alex, he was shivering and he looked...terrible. The inside car lights were on and now Tim could have a good look at him. He had obviously not showered, slept, or shaved in weeks, his face was still flaked in dry blood and his skin was a ghostly white. His lips were cracked and bleeding and his fingernails with yellowed and had been chewed on to the point of bleeding. Alex’s eyes were red from crying and his arms were covered in scars, and there was a lot more than Tim remembered seeing. 

Tim paused and then looked around in the backseat of his car, rummaging around for a blanket and a bottle of water. Alex was slumped against the window, staring absentmindedly outside as the rain continued to pour. He barely reacted when Tim tried to cover him in the blanket and hand him the water. He took it reluctantly and drank some of it, not making eye contact with Tim.

“Why are you doing this. Why are you helping me?” Alex murmured, still avoiding looking into his eyes. Tim tried to read Alex’s expression, but it was indecipherable. Tim turned the ignition on, the radio beginning to hum static. 

“It’s better than being alone, isn’t it? I know you’ve been alone for a long time, Alex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shorter chapter today, it’s nearly 2AM and I’m tired


	3. Update

So I’m going to be orphaning this fic, don’t worry I’m not abandoning it. I am in the process of heavily editing some stuff in it and then I will reupload it so don’t worry!! I should have the edited very up in a day or so.

**Author's Note:**

> They need therapy and a warm place to sleep.
> 
> I’ve been working on this fic all day and I’m tired.


End file.
